Peace in the midst of chaos.

Hey team,

I hope this very different season finds you healthy and safe. May we continue to sink into all that grace that is available and present for us in this time.

There has been a lot of anxiety and fear that have plagued the last 4 weeks. We have had to all make decisions or have decisions made for us with high stakes--health and money. For those who are at home, there is worry and anxiety about keeping our families healthy and financial stress of losing jobs. For those who are still working, there is worry about contracting the virus as you do your job. I know for me, I have been worried about my patients and the role of asymptomatic carriers. I have never felt such palpable fear on a global level. I have seen the effects in sleepless nights, crying in the car on the way to work, and fervent prayers crying out for protection for my people and myself.

That has been my grace-filled moment in this mess-- the need for fervent prayers and the recognition of how not in control I am. There is a humility that is hard, but also so welcome when everything seems to be slipping away. The fear of losing jobs, security, health, safety are all very overwhelming. I have found so much joy in looking to the Cross during this time. It is crazy to me that in the overwhelming fear that this has brought, Jesus has brought overwhelming peace to my heart. There have been really hard days over the last 4 weeks where I have been at my end, and I am so thankful that God has brought me there, because it has given me the opportunity to truly trust Him. When the life I know is threatening to crumble down around me, my hand is forced to either look to myself, or look to Jesus, and only one brings true peace.

I am so thankful for this opportunity to know Him in a deeper way than I ever have. He is a kind and gracious Father that knows our needs before we ask. I was so encouraged on Easter Sunday. Our church community has been meeting over zoom, and we were talking about the sweetness that Jesus has already overcome death. That at the root of it, we are all scared of the same thing, that COVID-19 could take us or our loved ones. It was such a joy in that moment to say, EVEN if it does, Jesus has already overcome death, so I don't have to be afraid. There may be worse things to come. My family could get sick, my patients could get sick, I could get sick, or I could lose my job. But, Jesus. All this could happen, but I don't have to be afraid of it because I know that even if it does, I will face it with the overwhelming peace of Jesus.

So in the midst of the craziness and the hard, I pray that you would also find refuge in the peace that only Jesus can bring.